As I listened deeply to his heart, tail, and ears I felt a part of myself awaken deeper. As I felt the weight of his hooves and his majestic mane I began to let go of control. As I softly whispered in his ears and climbed on his back I felt the complete presence of the moment and every cell in my body felt healed. His beautiful heart, unconditional love, deep horse sense, and wisdom carried me from the darkest time of my life to the lightest.
I almost died from anorexia nervosa. I suffered from malnutrition, poor body image, a running addiction, and strict control of my body. Eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any mental illness and every 62 minutes at least one person dies as a direct result from an eating disorder according to The National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders. Through many blessings I am lucky to be alive and radiantly healthy. Kestrel, an Arab/Saddlebred gelding has been one of my most profound and healing blessings on my journey of recovery and healing.
Kestrel came to me through a dream and stayed with me through honesty, commitment, and deep love. His horse sense awakened my subconscious mind and guided me to transform my unhealthy mental patterns. Kestrel walked side by side with me home to my inner divine connection. His majestic light calmed my traumatized body and mind. Healing from trauma is challenging to say the least and Kestrel soothed the healing process and provided enormous amounts of gentleness and grace.
Galloping on his back, walking by his huge presence, engaging with his heart, and touching his velvet nose nudged me to transform my earthly ways of control, fear, and addiction. I was addicted to the runner’s high and being in shape, and I found a sense of safety through the control of my food intake. Kestrel taught me how to access my high within and through the profound safety of his presence I slowly let go of my grip on controlling my surroundings and began the process of learning to fly.
Horses have the ability to provide an enormous safe place for humans to heal and transform. Horses guide us toward our light within our heart through their radiance, gentleness, power, and humble way of being. As I let go of controlling Kestrel through the use of a bit in his mouth, I let go of controlling my own body through diet. As I learned to feel safe with Kestrel and trust his wild moves I learned to feel safe within my own divine connection and trust my feminine, powerful body. Horses have the ability to transform the darkest times of our lives into times filled with joy and light if we listen to them and engage with their magical heart.